feel fully connected in yourself & allow your relationships to thrive.
Therapy for relationship issues
In person therapy for adults, young adults & sensitive persons in Santa Barbara + online therapy across CA
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You are apt to take things very personally, and sometimes absolutely obsess about what people are doing or not doing. Your relationships can consume a lot of mental real estate. So much so that it can be hard to focus on other things.
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Whether that’s with the person you just started dating or your spouse of many years. You might feel too nervous to bring things up for fear of seeming “needy” or “dramatic” and scaring people away. Maybe you’ve tried to address issues in your relationships but feel like you’re just not getting anywhere. You’re facing the same issue over and over again and are running out of steam.
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You feel nervous all the time about what to say and not wanting to sound stupid and work hard to keep people liking you. Or perhaps you feel an instant connection but then feel bored a few weeks later and find you’re distancing yourself. Other people seem to have this more figured out than you. You’re trying to tell yourself it’s ok to be single, or conflicted in partnership, but you’re not so sure. Annoyances are growing. In fact, most things others do are starting to feel irritating.
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Giving comes naturally to you. It’s often automatic but you’re confused why others don’t seem to do the same for you. Even still, you struggle to say no and just keep giving from an empty well. Whether it’s with partners, colleagues, friends, and family, you feel taken advantage of, invisible, and like no one gets you, or really sees you. Don’t they know that you need support too?
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You can easily tune into the feelings and needs of others and “read the energy of the room” and find yourself adjusting to their needs and feelings. You take their feelings on and even absorb them fully and feel them deeply long after the conversation or situation has ended, which can be incredibly taxing. You need to recover after social interactions, which leads you to feeling isolated and “different” from others.
Are you feeling uneasy in your relationships and tired of the constant worry that creates?
You’re tired of feeling so stressed and frazzled in your relationships. It’s getting harder and harder to keep engaging in a meaningful way. You’re not sure how to change things to make them feel more balanced and fulfilling and frustration and resentment are building.
Relationship tension is leading to ….
Constant anxiety, worry, stress, and indecision. Your mind is a mental whirlwind, which makes it hard to stay focused on other important aspects of your life. Work, self-care, education, and fun are taking the backseat. Sleep is easily disrupted by a racing mind.
Feeling isolated, drained, detached, shut down, and depressed. You are distancing yourself to reduce the tension but this ultimately makes you feel more lonely, and life less enjoyable. You’re fatigued much of the time and may even feel sick, like headaches, stomachaches, & body aches.
Irritability, tension, and increased conflict in your relationships may make you question their right fit, whether that’s at work, with friends, or with your partner, and cause you to feel isolated and hopeless. You’re tired of the instability and stress.
Decreased productivity at school, work, and home & relying more on your vices. You’re losing your spark and it’s feeling hard to keep up with it all. Especially when you can’t focus and it’s hard to make decisions. Whether that’s food, alcohol, shopping, netflix, over-exercising, etc.. You’re just trying to relieve the tension somehow.
THERAPY CAN HELP YOU RESTORE YOUR RELATIONSHIPS
Let’s find fulfillment
inside & out…
WHAT WE’LL WORK ON
Imagine a life where…
The little things aren’t sending you into overwhelm. You’re feeling confident in yourself and your ability to manage life’s inevitable ups and downs? You are managing stress, it’s no longer controlling you.
You are feeling connected, genuine and authentic in your relationships, which includes space for your feelings and needs. Speaking up, setting boundaries, and even being vulnerable and letting others support you is coming more naturally.
Your creativity, energy, and confidence are thriving. It’s getting easier to manifest the life you desire through your intention, receptivity, commitment to growth, and restoring your connection to your authentic self.
When someone irritates you or ignites that old insecurity you’re so familiar with, you’re not reacting with the same intensity anymore. You now have a deeper understanding about where that comes from and know it’s not just about this moment. You’re using other strategies to cope with the discomfort and patterns that no longer serve you are starting to change.
You’re feeling content in yourself, no matter what others may think of you and have the ability to be your own ally when times are tough. Which means when a date goes wrong or you have a conflict with your partner, you know you’re ok. Loving all parts of you, even the ones that drive you nuts, are embarrassing, or hold the pain of difficult experiences, and treating yourself with compassion and kindness is getting easier and easier.
That new promotion now feels reachable and you have confidence in your work performance and a sense of belonging at work. Or perhaps you’ve tried that new yoga class you’ve been curious about for so long but were avoiding due to fears of looking stupid around new people. You’re watching yourself take new strides and expand your life to include more of what’s important to you, and feeling connected along the way.
Relationship Therapy Helps:
Social anxiety
Attachment insecurity/styles
Lack of connection in relationships
Grief & Loss - including breakups, divorce, death
Difficulty with dating, conflict, or relationship dissatisfaction
Demanding or dysfunctional parents/families
it truly is possible to …
Free yourself from pain, disconnection and self-doubt.
what to expect:
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We will take time to create a safe, open relationship based on respect, compassion, and empathy. Our relationship creates the container for relationship change.
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We will build insight into the triggers that create stress in your relationships, both in yourself and with others. We will explore the past-present links of these triggers. Awareness is both paramount, and provides a step toward change.
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We will use embodied practices, such as inner child work or EMDR, to assist with deep healing and letting go of parts that no longer serve you. You will learn or reconnect with skills, strengths, and practices that promote inner safety and well-being.
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We will identify your values, desires, and needs as well as connect to your higher truth and inner knowing so you can act in life from love, not fear. We can release trauma, and strengthen your connection to the present. Your relationships will be transformed.
Understand why you get triggered and what to do when it happens.
Improve healthy communication and boundary setting and reconnect in your relationships in a way that feels balanced and supportive to you.
Understand past-present links in relationship challenges and learn how to respond differently.
LET’S HELP YOU FIND FULFILLMENT INSIDE & OUT
Therapy can help you restore your relationships.
Build deeper connection, satisfaction, and intimacy in all types of relationships.
Improve confidence in your needs, feelings, and values.
Learn how to prioritize yourself (without guilt!) while still being a loving and caring friend, daughter/son, partner, etc ….
Questions?
FAQs
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Trust issues are often developed from adverse experiences in childhood, typically in the range of abuse, neglect, unpredictability, manipulation, or abandonment. Examples include: having a critical or unpredictable parent, being bullied, experiencing a sudden loss, holding secrets for a parent, or so much more. Traumas that are relational in nature typically create difficulty trusting in relationships.
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A big thing in relationships is recognizing that we can only control our side of things, we don’t get to control other people (though it’s easy to want to!). So we look at what triggers you, why, and what it means to you. That’s the part we have the capacity to change. Improving relationships often means exploring boundaries and communication, as well as exploring expectations and accepting what’s in our control and what isn’t. Sometimes when we change our part of a relationship dynamic, there is a ripple effect and others change too.
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While it’s natural to want to be liked, relationship anxiety is often connected to challenges in childhood that led to a feeling of insecurity–whether from parents, peers, or other adult figures. This could include: bullying, frequent criticism, inconsistent attention, or being parentified as a child. There are also social and cultural factors that can influence our sense of belonging. Patterns like perfectionism and issues of anxiety can amplify this fear.
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This can be a very frustrating pattern. There are many factors such as low self worth, familiarity, or poor boundaries. This challenge can also be our opportunity to heal. We are often drawn to people that help us identify patterns and areas of struggle as part of our personal development. This can link back to insecure attachment, trauma, or other experiences that impact our sense of self. Therapy can help us heal, including choosing healthier relationships and/or choosing healthier behaviors in our established relationships.
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Well, there’s not a one size fits all answer here, but typically relationship struggles stem from some of the following: past trauma and/or insecure attachment style, low self esteem, lack of skills such as communication or boundaries, fears of rejection or being hurt, too many stressors or difficulty managing stress, and anxiety/depression or other mental health issues can also complicate our experience of relationship.